the dumbing down of love

The Girl

Aly. 21. Las Vegas, Nevada. Dreamer, schemer, and make believer. I'm everything you know and everything you can't understand. I'm full of contradictions and misconceptions. I love without holding back and can change your life if you let me. Never underestimate me because that will be your biggest mistake. Myspace Flickr

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

I'm laying in bed watching A Lot Like Love. I am in complete adoration of this movie. I have a lot of things running through my head right now. I want to pick up the phone and call someone, but I'm stopping myself for some reason. I talked to a really old friend today, we were best of friends in jr high. We met in 6th grade and just really hit it off. I found her on myspace.com randomly, I got giddy at just the idea of talking to her again. She sent me an instant message tonight and we talked for a couple of hours. She's still the same, still her. She offered me something in short supply for me lately, to simply be here. Not many people in my life will just be here for me, they have stipulations and conditions. She has been going through the same thing apparently. I want to go visit her very badly now. Which kind of brings me to my next topic.

I've been strongly considering contacting my father. I am out of options right now, I need help from somewhere. Shannon offered for me to crash at her place if I do decide to go down there. Which would kind of kill several birds with one stone. Seeing her, contacting my father, and also she could be emotional support. Contacting him is scary, I don't know what to expect at all. Even if I decide to call him I would need someone here with me while I did it. I get emotional just thinking about it.

I had a big cry fest at therapy today. I posted about my money issues and how I was going to sell some of my books. I ended up with 65 books and I only got 23 dollars for them. It was really disappointing. But I had to do something to try and better my situation. My therapist talked about how my situation is kind of like the battered women she treats. There are things that just simply have to be done to better my situation but all of my resources are tapped. I am scraping the bottom the barrel on my emotional energy, which makes it hard for me to accomplish even simple things. She did settle one worry in my mind tho, I had been worried that if things get worse with my mom that she would kick me out like she did my sister. I have no one to turn to if that does happen, but my therapist reminded me that the benevolence line at my church would take care of me if need be. The community at my church would not let me live on the streets. It's good to know that.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me tonight. I'm not upset in my general oh things are bad sort of way. Something is different, I'm not sure what. I think I might try and rest now. Maybe writing this will get some of the static out of my brain.

Alysa [ 12:40 AM ]

5 Comments:

I hope you feel better now!
chin up!

By Anonymous, at 2:54 AM
Starfish;
Hold On, Luv. Things will get better. Keep your focus.

By Anonymous, at 7:07 PM
Things can and will, only get better. Sounds as though you belong to a wonderful church :)

By Anonymous, at 8:08 PM
Gurgo:
Thank You!

Cathy:
Thank you darling, my focus is getting only better.

Michelle:
My church is great, I love it.

By Alysa, at 8:11 PM
Keep your head up!

By Anonymous, at 12:39 AM