the dumbing down of love

The Girl

Aly. 21. Las Vegas, Nevada. Dreamer, schemer, and make believer. I'm everything you know and everything you can't understand. I'm full of contradictions and misconceptions. I love without holding back and can change your life if you let me. Never underestimate me because that will be your biggest mistake. Myspace Flickr

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

The room heaves, expanding then shrinking.
My eyes lose focus making everything a blur of colors.
I stop, wait, trying to breathe slowly. 1 2 3 4 5.
Skin that doesn't feel like it should.
Dying, waiting for someone to save me.
I plead for anyone to pull me back.
My saving grace never comes, I lock the door.
Lock door, turn on stereo so loud it pulses in my screaming veins.
1 2 3 4 5
Lump in the throat, cold in the heart, tears in the eyes.
My bed spins, close my eyes count to 5, open.
My room jumps then rights itself and my bed feels unsteady.
Stop. Call someone. Reach out just one more time.
What do you know? No one cares, no one will drop what they are doing to help you.
Stupid girl. There are much more important things than you.
Don't you see how easy it is for people to walk away?
Idiotic girl. Holding your breath for a white night.
Black is all you get, and red.
Watching someone sing what you feel everyday, telling the people around you your secret.
They won't get it, girl. Stop waiting, stop hoping, stop thinking someone cares.
Just stop. No one will pull you back, don't be so fucking naive.
Do it, get it over with so that the room will return to normal and that sudden exhaustion can take over.
Girl, you are too much to handle. Everyone says it, thinks it, feels it, knows it. Let them feel the relief.
End it, with a gasp and a tear.
Stupid girl.

Alysa [ 8:04 PM ]

2 Comments:

Reaching out just one more time is never wrong. The world is full of caring people.

There is rarely a white knight...but there is always more strength inside than you could have ever imagined.

Count on that instead.

By Anonymous, at 3:04 AM
The worst mistake we can sometimes make is assuming that people don't care and will not want us to reach out. Some don't but there are those who do. Really do. Find them and reach out to them. Find comfort in the fact that you are important and that there are people who care. Being a lot to handle means you have a lot of love and compassion; you are a full human being and deserve to be complete. Sometimes we just need to work on completing ourselves.
HUGS! xoxo

By Anonymous, at 8:02 AM